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Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Enjoy the sunshine today!

Celebrity Birthdays

If today is your birthday, you're celebrating alongside actress (Six Feet Under) Lauren Ambrose, 30. Actress (Six Feet Under, Ransom) Lili Taylor, 41. Model/TV hostess Cindy Crawford, 42. Actor (3rd Rock From The Sun) French Stewart, 44. Former NBA forward Charles Barkley, 45. Former Washington Caps head coach/former goalie (Canucks, Rangers, Red Wings) Glen Hanlon, 51. Model/actress (Summer of ’42) Jennifer O'Neill, 60. Actor (Rich Man Poor Man) Peter Strauss, 61. Actress (A River Runs Through It) Brenda Blethyn, 62. Actress (The Hogan Family) Sandy Duncan, 62. Former NHL center (Blackhawks, Bruins, Rangers)/former Rangers head coach/Hockey Hall of Famer Phil Esposito (Sault Ste. Marie, ON), 66. Singer/songwriter Buffy Sainte-Marie, 67. Fleetwoods singer Barbara Ellis, 68. Actress (Two For The Road, Cry Freedom) Judy Cornwell, 68. Actor (West Side Story, The Longest Day) Richard Beymer, 70. Singer Nancy Wilson, 71. Actress (MacArthur, Clambake) Marj Dusay, 72. Auto racer Bobby Unser, 74. Actor (To Sir With Love, Lillies Of The Field, Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner) Sidney Poitier, 81. Fashion designer Gloria Vanderbilt, 84.

Greatest Music Question

What’s the name of the group that first charted in 1961, but didn’t score big hits until lead-singer Phillippe Wynne joined them in 1972, after which they had five Top 5 hits and two more after his departure? The answer follows today's Heart & Soul.

An Amish woman was driving her buggy to town when a highway patrol officer stopped her.

"I'm not going to cite you," said the officer. "I just wanted to warn you that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken and it could be dangerous."

"I thank thee," replied the Amish lady. "I shall have my husband repair it as soon as I return home."

"Also," said the officer, "I noticed that one of the reins to your horse is wrapped around his testicles. Some people might consider this cruelty to animals, so you should have your husband check that, too."

"Again, I thank thee. I shall have my husband check both when I get home."

True to her word, when the Amish lady got home she told her husband about the broken reflector, and he said he'd put a new one on immediately.

"Also," said the Amish woman, "the trooper said there was something wrong with the emergency brake."

... as heard at 8:20 this morning

"Bill Gates' Speech"

To anyone with kids of any age, or anyone who has ever been a kid, here's some advice Bill Gates recently dished out at a high school speech about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality, and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.

Rule 1:

Life is not fair -- get used to it!

Rule 2:

The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3:

You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice president with a Lexus until you earn both.

Rule 4:

If you think your teacher is tough, wait until you get a boss.

Rule 5:

Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping -- they called it opportunity.

Rule 6:

If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7:

Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you are. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parents' generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8:

Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life has not. In some schools they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as many times as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9:

Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you "find yourself." Do that on your own time.

Rule 10:

Television is NOT real life. In real life, people actually have to leave the coffee shop to go to a job.

Rule 11:

Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

After airing this on my morning show in Toronto in 2003, I learned that Bill Gates was NOT the author of this speech, and that this piece has been making the rounds on the Internet and elsewhere for several years -- attributed to several different authors.

This list is, in fact, the work of Charles J. Sykes, who is also the author of the book, Dumbing Down Our Kids: Why American Children Feel Good About Themselves But Can't Read, Write, Or Add.

Many versions of the original list omit the last three rules:

Rule 12:

Smoking does not make you look cool. It makes you look moronic. Next time you're out cruising, watch an 11-year-old with a butt in his mouth. That's what you look like to anyone over 20. Ditto for "expressing yourself" with purple hair and/or pierced body parts.

Rule 13:

You are not immortal. (See Rule 12.) If you are under the impression that living fast, dying young and leaving a beautiful corpse is romantic, you obviously haven't seen one of your peers at room temperature lately.

Rule 14:

Enjoy this time while you can. Sure parents are a pain, school's a bother, and life is depressing. But someday you'll realize how wonderful it was to be a kid. Maybe you should start now.

Greatest Music Answer

The Spinners